Well here we are, after a week of nail biting; I finally have the long awaited conclusion to the S.F.A.K.T. After the way this thing went over, I’ll probably do one of these again with a series of female icons since I neglected to add women to this rendition. I didn’t really do it on purpose, but the original idea was for me to make this into a series of fist fights. I have a paid subscription to a site that does that but in thongs, so I didn’t need the journals to exacerbate it in text. Anyways, let’s just move on to the final round since we’re so damn close to the finish line.
Round 4: Bracket Finale: Bruce Campbell VS Jon Stewart
Next, on a “very special” Sassy Frog, comedian Jon Stewart will have to realize his worst nightmare when a metaphorical battle with actor Bruce Campbell ensues. Can Jon resist the peer pressure of using cocaine when his troubles get worse? Find out next, on the Sassy Frog.
Now, we all know that when it comes to accurate news programs, there’s only one on TV, and that’s “The Daily Show” on Comedy Central. We also know that when it comes to crappy movies no one would ever pay to watch, there’s only one star to head the casting call, and that’s Bruce Campbell. When we stack up the coolness of these men on top of each other, we get a gay compilation of actor/writer/comedian/cheap cologne. Now all we have to do is dissect this information and blend it together with something I learned from a Chuck Norris fact list, and we’ll have our winner!
Jon Stewart appears weekly on national television to make fun of the republicans and note the deterioration of American society…so basically, it’s a job that does itself. He has gathered a fan base of young Americans who actually learned that it’s best to think for themselves in regards to political issues. Up until his popularity rose, the average citizen would watch anything on FOX, including the Simpsons. Can you believe it? People watched the Simpson. I heard it’s still on the air because of a loophole in a Matt Groening contract subsection. Damn, lawyers can be feisty! Plus, if it goes off the air, Korea’s animation studios will have layoffs that could potentially ruin eastern economics. “Ouch” says round-eye. So now we have a little light at the end of our gloomy government tunnel. I would say “hooray,” but since it’s a government tunnel, I’ll bet there’s a balding middle-aged guy name Hank waiting to collect toll money. It’s ok though. You can probably just pay him in Namco arcade tokens. He won’t be able to tell.
For the record, Bruce Campbell is the coolest and most underappreciated actor of our time. I’d love to see him perform in something that has a higher budget then 6k, but on that same note, I’d also like to own a Pontiac Solstice. Since neither are that likely, I’ll have to go see “My Name Is Bruce” in my ’91 Ford Taurus without the bumper, power steering, windshield wipers, air conditioning, radio, shut up, anti lock brakes, shocks, trunk light, fuck you, and wiper fluid. I think that it’s important for people to respect the underdogs of society (one reason I love Dirty Jobs) and that includes the low level cinema stars of Hollywood…or in this case, Oregon. Bruce is someone I look up to. He’s considerate of his fans and doesn’t try to escape the Evil Dead popularity that made him so famous. He’s willing to sign autographs and even play a quick game of Connect 4 when need be. He’s just the kind of movie star you wish everyone else was. Except the girls; they can stay the same.
With the entire random-ass ranting out of the way, it’s time for me to make a decision and declare one of these two legends of the media a legend of my…uhm…media. *sigh* It’s a writer’s block day. Sorry. So, without further moments of “OMG just say it already,” the winner is…
*cut to commercial*
Coming up next is a brand new episode of Spongebob Squarepants! Squidward will inherit the Krusty Krab and have the opportunity to make a 15 minute episode have half a plot! Unfortunately for him, Spongebob still works the fryers and as such, things are gonna get ZA-NY! I hope Squidward can get through his first day of management without going InSaNe!! Also, Patrick will blah blah blah! All this and more on Spongebob Squarepants, coming up next!
Now back to S.F.A.K.T!
And the winner is Jon Stewart! I think this is a supremely good decision when you consider people you wouldn’t mind running your country. He’s fun, funny, smart, entertaining, charismatic, and again, I wish he was my dad. I can’t think of anything clever to wrap this up with because, let’s face it, the thing is over. Now hurry and get the fuck out before the traffic rush sticks everyone in bumper-to-bumper for the next 45 minutes. Peace.
Until next horrible thing,
-Sassy Frog
Round 4: Bracket Finale: Bruce Campbell VS Jon Stewart
Next, on a “very special” Sassy Frog, comedian Jon Stewart will have to realize his worst nightmare when a metaphorical battle with actor Bruce Campbell ensues. Can Jon resist the peer pressure of using cocaine when his troubles get worse? Find out next, on the Sassy Frog.
Now, we all know that when it comes to accurate news programs, there’s only one on TV, and that’s “The Daily Show” on Comedy Central. We also know that when it comes to crappy movies no one would ever pay to watch, there’s only one star to head the casting call, and that’s Bruce Campbell. When we stack up the coolness of these men on top of each other, we get a gay compilation of actor/writer/comedian/cheap cologne. Now all we have to do is dissect this information and blend it together with something I learned from a Chuck Norris fact list, and we’ll have our winner!
Jon Stewart appears weekly on national television to make fun of the republicans and note the deterioration of American society…so basically, it’s a job that does itself. He has gathered a fan base of young Americans who actually learned that it’s best to think for themselves in regards to political issues. Up until his popularity rose, the average citizen would watch anything on FOX, including the Simpsons. Can you believe it? People watched the Simpson. I heard it’s still on the air because of a loophole in a Matt Groening contract subsection. Damn, lawyers can be feisty! Plus, if it goes off the air, Korea’s animation studios will have layoffs that could potentially ruin eastern economics. “Ouch” says round-eye. So now we have a little light at the end of our gloomy government tunnel. I would say “hooray,” but since it’s a government tunnel, I’ll bet there’s a balding middle-aged guy name Hank waiting to collect toll money. It’s ok though. You can probably just pay him in Namco arcade tokens. He won’t be able to tell.
For the record, Bruce Campbell is the coolest and most underappreciated actor of our time. I’d love to see him perform in something that has a higher budget then 6k, but on that same note, I’d also like to own a Pontiac Solstice. Since neither are that likely, I’ll have to go see “My Name Is Bruce” in my ’91 Ford Taurus without the bumper, power steering, windshield wipers, air conditioning, radio, shut up, anti lock brakes, shocks, trunk light, fuck you, and wiper fluid. I think that it’s important for people to respect the underdogs of society (one reason I love Dirty Jobs) and that includes the low level cinema stars of Hollywood…or in this case, Oregon. Bruce is someone I look up to. He’s considerate of his fans and doesn’t try to escape the Evil Dead popularity that made him so famous. He’s willing to sign autographs and even play a quick game of Connect 4 when need be. He’s just the kind of movie star you wish everyone else was. Except the girls; they can stay the same.
With the entire random-ass ranting out of the way, it’s time for me to make a decision and declare one of these two legends of the media a legend of my…uhm…media. *sigh* It’s a writer’s block day. Sorry. So, without further moments of “OMG just say it already,” the winner is…
*cut to commercial*
Coming up next is a brand new episode of Spongebob Squarepants! Squidward will inherit the Krusty Krab and have the opportunity to make a 15 minute episode have half a plot! Unfortunately for him, Spongebob still works the fryers and as such, things are gonna get ZA-NY! I hope Squidward can get through his first day of management without going InSaNe!! Also, Patrick will blah blah blah! All this and more on Spongebob Squarepants, coming up next!
Now back to S.F.A.K.T!
And the winner is Jon Stewart! I think this is a supremely good decision when you consider people you wouldn’t mind running your country. He’s fun, funny, smart, entertaining, charismatic, and again, I wish he was my dad. I can’t think of anything clever to wrap this up with because, let’s face it, the thing is over. Now hurry and get the fuck out before the traffic rush sticks everyone in bumper-to-bumper for the next 45 minutes. Peace.
Until next horrible thing,
-Sassy Frog
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