Tonight is the long awaited (about 48 hours) second entry of the Sassy Frog Ass-Kickin’ Tournament! Next we’re moving into Round 2 of the battle, pitting the winners of the previous round against each other in another single elimination barn burner. If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll make someone you’re routing for win. To catch you up, the first round eliminated all the douche bags from the competition, and now we’re only left with awesome people. This is gonna make the remaining battles totally hard to write for. Oh well….let’s move on.
Round 2: Bracket 1: Bruce Campbell VS Mike Rowe
Kicking off round 2 is a battle featuring 2 of the greatest men to ever live! True entertainers with sass, comedy and a sultry voice, these 2 contestants make one hell of a match-up. In Bruce’s case, you’ve got the best selling author of “If Chins Could Kill”, and with Mike, you’ve got “Dirty Jobs” and all the good it’s done. Both men are talented and entertaining to no end, and I feel very saddened by the fact that one of them has to lose now. Fuck. Well, if you stuck the 2 side by side and compared personality, heroism and chest hair, I suppose the victory should go to Bruce Campbell. Mike is a manly man who does whatever it takes to get the job done, but has he ever played an elderly Elvis who befriends a black JFK in order to destroy an Egyptian mummy? I think not, so for Bruce, he moves on. Groovy.
Round 2: Bracket 2: Chris Watters VS Alan Rickman
In this bracket we’ll witness an actor who plays a fictional hero go nose-to-nose with an actor who plays mainly fictional villains. Nice match up, huh? Anyways, these 2 have a world of “fuckin’ awesome” at their fingertips, and should strive to use every ounce so that they can make it through to the next round. Now, as you know, Major Victory has the powers of flight and super strength, but what does Alan have? Alan has the ability to talk to God as the Metatron from Kevin Smith’s “Dogma.” Wow, that’s a tough Oreo to crumble. Unfortunately, characters from Kevin Smith movies take a little precedence over reality show winners, and even though Major Victory is a true superhero, Alan Rickman is just a little bit cooler. So, in summary; it’s Mr. Rickman for the win, and we should probably get drunk since I’m all out of ideas.
Round 2: Bracket 3: Lucas Grabeel VS Jon Stewart
One thing to note here is that we have 2 heroes from 2 different age ranges. The 18-30 age group will undoubtedly cheer for Jon Stewart, while the 11-17 group will definitely be on the side of Lucas Grabeel. Who will win? Well, when comparing these 2 show stoppers, we can see that Jon is an intelligent political figure among the masses, where as Lucas can sing and dance. Now, I’m not saying that singing and dancing isn’t awesome (because occasionally it is.) but I tend to put a high level of coolness on the heads of people who get shitty TV shows canned. Now that you understand my logic, I think it’s safe to say that I’m giving the victory over to Jon Stewart and his news parodying smile. Good luck going through to the semi finals, Mr. Stewart, and long live the queen.
Round 2: Bracket 4: Steven Spielberg VS Bill Nye
I have to admit that when I read that title, I felt good inside. Another fantastic match up with 2 highly respected individuals who should both probably run for president. Bill Nye once had level 4 security at NASA ya know, and I think that would give him the best authority to tell our military who to bomb. On the other hand, Steven Spielberg made Jurassic Park 1 & 2, E.T., all 3 Indiana Jones movies, Schindler’s List, The terminal, Saving Private Ryan, etc. I would also like to point out that Bill Nye has taught millions of kids about thousands of sciencey things with a strong passion that has equipped my generation with a certain knowledge of gravity and asphalt. He also equipped his last opponent with a similar knowledge! ;) Anyways, there’s a lot of stacking up to do, and I wish this match was a bit closer to call since I love them both so much, but the facts have spoken. I’m afraid Steven Spielberg will rise above the “science guy” this time around and move forward to the semi-finals! Good luck Steven! Not in the next round, but with Indiana Jones 4! God, I can’t wait!!
Well, with round 2 behind us, you’ll have to check back again in another day or two for the semi-finals. Let’s hope it turns out to be good! Also, fuck you.
-Sassy Frog
Round 2: Bracket 1: Bruce Campbell VS Mike Rowe
Kicking off round 2 is a battle featuring 2 of the greatest men to ever live! True entertainers with sass, comedy and a sultry voice, these 2 contestants make one hell of a match-up. In Bruce’s case, you’ve got the best selling author of “If Chins Could Kill”, and with Mike, you’ve got “Dirty Jobs” and all the good it’s done. Both men are talented and entertaining to no end, and I feel very saddened by the fact that one of them has to lose now. Fuck. Well, if you stuck the 2 side by side and compared personality, heroism and chest hair, I suppose the victory should go to Bruce Campbell. Mike is a manly man who does whatever it takes to get the job done, but has he ever played an elderly Elvis who befriends a black JFK in order to destroy an Egyptian mummy? I think not, so for Bruce, he moves on. Groovy.
Round 2: Bracket 2: Chris Watters VS Alan Rickman
In this bracket we’ll witness an actor who plays a fictional hero go nose-to-nose with an actor who plays mainly fictional villains. Nice match up, huh? Anyways, these 2 have a world of “fuckin’ awesome” at their fingertips, and should strive to use every ounce so that they can make it through to the next round. Now, as you know, Major Victory has the powers of flight and super strength, but what does Alan have? Alan has the ability to talk to God as the Metatron from Kevin Smith’s “Dogma.” Wow, that’s a tough Oreo to crumble. Unfortunately, characters from Kevin Smith movies take a little precedence over reality show winners, and even though Major Victory is a true superhero, Alan Rickman is just a little bit cooler. So, in summary; it’s Mr. Rickman for the win, and we should probably get drunk since I’m all out of ideas.
Round 2: Bracket 3: Lucas Grabeel VS Jon Stewart
One thing to note here is that we have 2 heroes from 2 different age ranges. The 18-30 age group will undoubtedly cheer for Jon Stewart, while the 11-17 group will definitely be on the side of Lucas Grabeel. Who will win? Well, when comparing these 2 show stoppers, we can see that Jon is an intelligent political figure among the masses, where as Lucas can sing and dance. Now, I’m not saying that singing and dancing isn’t awesome (because occasionally it is.) but I tend to put a high level of coolness on the heads of people who get shitty TV shows canned. Now that you understand my logic, I think it’s safe to say that I’m giving the victory over to Jon Stewart and his news parodying smile. Good luck going through to the semi finals, Mr. Stewart, and long live the queen.
Round 2: Bracket 4: Steven Spielberg VS Bill Nye
I have to admit that when I read that title, I felt good inside. Another fantastic match up with 2 highly respected individuals who should both probably run for president. Bill Nye once had level 4 security at NASA ya know, and I think that would give him the best authority to tell our military who to bomb. On the other hand, Steven Spielberg made Jurassic Park 1 & 2, E.T., all 3 Indiana Jones movies, Schindler’s List, The terminal, Saving Private Ryan, etc. I would also like to point out that Bill Nye has taught millions of kids about thousands of sciencey things with a strong passion that has equipped my generation with a certain knowledge of gravity and asphalt. He also equipped his last opponent with a similar knowledge! ;) Anyways, there’s a lot of stacking up to do, and I wish this match was a bit closer to call since I love them both so much, but the facts have spoken. I’m afraid Steven Spielberg will rise above the “science guy” this time around and move forward to the semi-finals! Good luck Steven! Not in the next round, but with Indiana Jones 4! God, I can’t wait!!
Well, with round 2 behind us, you’ll have to check back again in another day or two for the semi-finals. Let’s hope it turns out to be good! Also, fuck you.
-Sassy Frog
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